Spam...from the future

My hard-working spam filter

To: Waage
From: Rickey Hickman
Subject: [SUSPECTED SPAM] Are you tired of screwing hores because the normal women won’t sleep with you?

Suspected spam?

Maybe this is how Halliburton did it

To: [yours truly]
From: Thomas Saleem
Subject: Re: Various supplies
Date: October 5, 2006

Dear Sir,

Glo Contract Consultants Uk is a specialised procurement consultancy based in the UK and with substantial expertise in sourcing, contract negotiation and cost reduction programmes. We have worked in Saudi, UAE and Jordan as well as the majority of other major global business centres.

I am Thomas Saleem, Business Development Manager and I handle all Middle East business matters with government and non governmental agencies.

I am initiating contact with you regarding an urgent contract invitation from Iraq.

...

Nice [software] package

The spammers have discovered my work e-mail address! I am receiving many e-mails about hot sexy Microsoft software deals. For a minute I was deathly afraid that the penis enlargement spammers had discovered my work address, because I got a piece of spam this morning entitled

"Your partner will worship you for it"

but this, too, was for software. Odd. I would think that the type of person who might take that subject line seriously would be terribly disappointed to open it and read all about Microsoft Office Professional Edition 2003 for $69.95. Although that is a pretty good price, even for Hong Kong pirate software.

Spam written by toddlers

The following message was delivered to my spam folder:

Date: Saturday October 8
From: [blank]
To: [blank]
Subject: foo

foo foo foo

?

"Sexier Posterior Evolves Almost Overnight"

Believe it or not, this is not a subject line from the latest spam assault on my Yahoo account. Rather, it is the title of an article in the science section of today's New York Times about the rapid evolution of longer tails in male barn swallows.

Memo to spammers

A) I don't want to enhance my bustline.
B) I don't even have a penis.
C) That Nigerian bank scam is sooo 1999.