Texas has officially been messed with

Check out the sweet House committee chairmanships that Texas Democrats would have held the the next Congress, had they not been redistricted out of their seats in 2003:

Rules: Martin Frost, D-Dallas
Agriculture: Charlie Stenholm, D-Abilene
Homeland Security: Jim Turner, D-Crockett

(As reported by the Dallas Morning News.)

What a bummer for the good people of Texas, who can't possibly deserve Tom DeLay any more than the rest of us deserve W.

Metro riders: Calm. The hell. Down.

It's a familiar sight to anyone who has to take the Red Line during morning rush hour: people scrambling, clawing, sprinting, wedging themselves into doors, poking other people's eyes out with poorly controlled umbrellas, in their rush to board the next train.

The hurry would be excusable if this were the last train to leave the station like, all day. But it's not. The LED sign overhead clearly states that the next train will arrive in one (1) minute. And those signs don't lie. Ironically, this is one of several reasons the Red Line tends to slow down--the train can't leave the station on time because people are hanging out the doors.

Seriously. Is it such a big deal to be sixty seconds later to your destination this morning? What were you planning to do with that sixty seconds? Will your boss be mad if you clock in one minute late? Unless you work for the military or in a sweatshop, doubt it. (And you don't--not in that suit.) Have you considered waking up one minute earlier to avoid this difficulty? Personally, I set my alarm for 5:59 so I won't be one. minute. late.

It's this type of inanely discourteous behavior that threatens civil society as we know it here in Washington. Under a more heartless regime, the train would take off as scheduled and leave these crazy people to their fate. But this is Metrorail. So it's up to all of us to stop the madness. Do yourself a favor. Take a deep breath, step back, and wait sixty seconds for the next train.

My hard-working spam filter

To: Waage
From: Rickey Hickman
Subject: [SUSPECTED SPAM] Are you tired of screwing hores because the normal women won’t sleep with you?

Suspected spam?

Take a moment to appreciate the mantis

When I was a kid, I was always pretty delighted to run across a praying mantis. Don't know about you, but where I grew up we only had these green mantis dudes:
(Stagmomantis carolina--the green ones are females)

But there are many other, cooler mantids out there, like this guy:

Seriously, I can't believe we live on the same planet as these things. Anyhow, all of this is just by way of telling you to check out the pics here by U-Md. mantisist David Yager. (WP)

Senators--they're just like us!

They follow celebrity gossip!

"Britney Spears," [Senate minority leader Harry] Reid said, shaking his head. "She loses a little weight, and now she's getting all cocky about things." He added, "Britney has gotten her mojo back." (NYT)

How much you wanna bet Britney Spears doesn't know who Harry Reid is....

American politics: funnier in French

And funnier still in English as translated from French by the notoriously freewheeling Babelfish.

Governator, une tête musclée (Geneva Tribune)
"Arnold Schwarzenegger showed that its image 'large muscle-small brain' was definitively reduced in confettis and to be thrown in the dustbin of the stupid stereotypes."

Hillary en selle pour la présidentielle. Thanks Mr Bush! (GT)
"They gained the majority with the Room of the representatives, ­obtaining 28 of the 50 posts of governors and can still claim to control the Senate. In policy, it is what one calls a wave. And the democrats pavoisent. However, they do not have nothing to do with a victory which does not deserve its name."

Taking bets on women in power

Let's take a moment to crow over a victory won for the cause of women's leadership last night: Nancy Pelosi is likely to become the first female speaker of the House. There was also a net gain in women in the Senate, thanks to Claire McCaskill's win in Missouri (as of January there will be 15)*.

Next question. Which will now come first, a woman president or a woman Senate majority leader? My prediction is president will be first. But I put this out more as a challenge to current and aspiring female senators.

*CORRECTION: How could I forget Klobuchar? Sorry, Minnesota! That brings the Senate female total to 16 for the 110th Congress.

Ding, dong...

Pombo Defeated (Tracy Press) "In a night that saw Democrats sweep to power in the House of Representatives, little-known challenger Jerry McNerney unseated Tracy's Rep. Richard Pombo from his perch as one of Congress' more powerful chairmen."

Just one of many reasons for joy over the last few hours.

By the way, Blogger® users may have noticed yesterday that Blogger was super slow. I'd guess that's because at least 99% of its bandwidth was being used at Tryst Coffeehouse in Adams Morgan, where CNN had set up an "E-lection Nite Blog Party." And quite a party it was, according to Wonkette.

"The day horror went into overdrive!"

Do you remember Maximum Overdrive, the awesomely bad 1986 Stephen King movie?

"Imagine your worst nightmare: machines take over the world!"
That's what I thought of as I read about what some Missourians might consider their true worst nightmare:

trying to vote for Clare McCaskill for Senator on a computerized voting machine, but instead having their votes recorded for GOP incumbent Jim Talent. (TPMcafe)

The slacker's guide to voting in DC

Perhaps, like me, you woke up this morning in a panic because you've been so busy checking the polls that you forgot to check on your voter registration status. Gasp! Did I remember to notify the Board of Elections and Ethics of my most recent address change? Am I even still registered? Where the hell do I go to vote?

Fear not, Washingtonian. The DCBOEE has you covered.

• Go here to check your registration status online.
• Go here to find out where your polling place is.
  
• If you are going to be traveling on election day, you can still vote TODAY by in-person absentee ballot. Go here.
• Perhaps you have discarded the "Voter's Guide," listing candidates and their positions, that the DCBOEE helpfully delivered to your home. No problem; you can see it online here.
  

Costumeless trick-or-treaters: the fabric of society continues to unravel

Trick-or-treating involves an implied contract. In exchange for giving you free candy, it is my right to see you in an adorable, clever, or at least half-assed costume.

The trick-or-treater has rights also. These include the right to perform "tricks" on my home, car, or other property should I fail to uphold my end of the contract by providing free candy, or should I exhibit meanspiritedness by refusing to answer the door or shaking my fist in the air while grumbling, "you kids!"

Last night, I answered the door to a precious little "sunflower," a variety of "princesses," and one very kick-ass giant inflatable "ghost." But at least sixty percent of the tots* who came to my door were completely, obviously, not in costume at all. (It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive--would it kill you to dress up as a "hobo" or "pirate" or "gypsy" or something?) In my opinion, these young people grossly violated the trick-or-treating contract.

And yet, I did give them candy, and not out of pure charity. As mentioned previously, the trick-or-treater has the right to perform "tricks" on my property if I break the contract. The problem is, if I justifiably withhold candy from a contract violator, that person's freedom to exercise the "tricking" right may continue even though he has broken the contract. (E.g., while I sleep he may be able to egg my house without being caught.)

That candy I gave out last night was protection money. Trick-or-treating is no longer a community building activity. Now it's a racket!

*"tots" applied loosely to include pubescents on the verge of sprouting facial hair