Fall fashion critique, vol. I

It's time to stop thinking about the imminent weakening and/or repeal of America's federal environmental protections and constitutional right to privacy, and start thinking about more immediate and weighty matters--like this season's styles and colors, and what I don't like about them.

There is a lot to disturb on the racks right now, but most disturbing of all is the bolero (left).

I have a fundamental problem with any item of clothing that is totally nonfunctional. Pashminas get a pass because they actually do keep you warm. Men's neckties are also acceptable because of their centuries-long history. Ladies' thong underwear? A necessity to avoid tell-tale panty lines when wearing last summer's sheer pants. But the bolero? It certainly won't keep most of you warm. Perhaps helpful as a cover-up to transition from summer tanks to fall sweaters. But a more functional, full-length sweater serves the same purpose.

The other big problem with the bolero is its lack of staying power. This thing will last 1 season, tops. Why would one pay $38 for the bolero pictured above (at Urban Outfitters) when a classic cardigan at the Gap could be had for the same price, and could be worn for years? It's madness.

There is one exception: if you are a professional matador, it is OK to wear a bolero.