To the person who stole my debit card info and emptied out my bank account

Had you, Jean-Valjean-style, stolen in order to feed your family--spending my money at the grocery store perhaps---I might not even mind. Because eventually, I will get my money back, and only the vendors who were foolish enough to believe that you were me will bear the consequences. If you stole from necessity, I can afford it.

But you didn't do that. You spent $700 on sporting goods. Therefore, my friend, I wish only that you recieve the karmic reward that you are now due, because I cannot afford your vanity. Perhaps you will trip in your new trainers and break an arm. Or maybe, years from now, someone will steal $700 from you just when all your bills and rent are due.