Think different like everyone else

You thought it was just a brilliant marketing campaign . . . but now everything is in place. One weekday morning in the near future, at 8:17 a.m., the secret microchips hidden in the bodies of each and every iPod will simultaneously emit a hypnotic pulse of sound into the ears of commuters around the country, transforming them into a zombie army. In a nuke-proof underground bunker in Sunnyvale, California, Steve Jobs will cackle and rub his hands together with glee as he directs his forces, clad in Uggs and Pumas, Diesel jeans and Banana Republic "starter" suits, to overrun the Capitol, the White House, and every military base in the country and secure his position as Dictator of the Entire World.

And he'll do it all for only $1 a year.